Chapter 2 post 6 ▫️ Home is where your art is (part 2)

Hello friends! Welcome to Day 22 of our local Shelter In Place. Whatever your number may be, may this post find you and yours staying safe and healthy.

I’ve been unexpectedly busy during this time; who knew there was so much going undone while we were working? And why is it that I still can’t manage to get my laundry done, even though I’m always home? Maybe that last one is a deeper question...at any rate, I’ve managed to find the time to keep up (mostly) with my writing group. The schedule for this month is three video meetings per week: one group coaching session on Monday, and a group writing session on Wednesday and Saturday. This is my first experience writing with a group and having a forum in which to bounce off ideas, ask questions, and hear experiences. 

The coaching session starts with a visualization exercise to help everyone relax and focus. Then, after a question-and-answer period, we get a journaling prompt, and we write for 15 minutes. When we’re done, we can share any insights we discovered. Our first writing prompt is what brings me to today’s subject, and maybe you’ll also enjoy thinking about it, or even writing about it: 

What would your life look like if you had 5% more confidence?

My journaling helped me to realize a few things:

1. I, like many people, deal with a lack of confidence. I can envision my life being much different if I were less self-critical and perfectionistic. The feedback on this point was unanimous in those who shared with the group: more confidence would lead to us conquering our fear of rejection, “impostor syndrome” (anxiety about our abilities and worries about being exposed as a fraud), and our inner critic. It would help us take those difficult steps toward getting our work in front of others, whether it be by sharing with friends and family, submission for publication, or some other avenue. 
2. While a lack of confidence certainly affects my approach to writing, it also affects the content of my writing. I reflected on past blog posts and even emails to friends, and thought about what and how I communicated. Chapter 1 of this blog was definitely a tool in processing some things I was going through at the time. For some reason, I thought that while others might appreciate, even benefit from the voice of someone experiencing hardship and trying to push through it, I needed to censor myself to some extent so as not to come off preachy or as a know-it-all. It was a hard line to walk, and I think erring on the side of caution took some of the potential punch out of my blows. 
3. 5% is really not that much. It’s like a nickel. It’s an amount that we might not bother to stoop down and pick up off the sidewalk. If I imagined my life with 5% more money, it wouldn’t change much, so why is it that when I imagine 5% more confidence, I see a substantially different life? Is confidence really that powerful?

I loved this exercise because this concept of just a tad more confidence can easily apply to other areas of our lives. It makes me think about my relationships with my husband, my family, and my friends. Would a little more confidence make me a better wife? Daughter? Sister? Auntie? Friend? How so? Would I be a better communicator, more open about what’s really on my mind and in my heart? Would I be less worried about my own issues and thus more in touch with others? Would I be harder to offend because of trusting that others aren’t intending to upset me when they express themselves? 

How would 5% more confidence affect the content of my communication with others? My personality type tends toward people-pleasing, so often I avoid bringing up anything that might draw a line in the sand. I know in my head that no one single statement will be agreed upon by every person; yet, in my heart, I want to play it as safe as I possibly can. While I don’t see the core of this quality ever going away (nor do I necessarily want it to), I truly believe that a little more confidence would allow me to express my side of a story, or relate my experiences, or even state my beliefs on a subject in a kind and clear way. Confidence will not require me to compromise who I am. It could, however, lead me to sharing who I am.

And what is with this 5% figure? Can such a small increase really have a disproportionately large effect? Unlike a nickel, confidence is not something we hold tangibly in our hands. We won’t ever find it on a sidewalk, left behind for us to pick up. So is it something we find within ourselves? Is it, to borrow a device from Forrest Gump, a case of “confident is as confident does”? Is it a quality we learn from a mentor? It’s way easier to ask these questions than it is to answer them, but honestly, writing about it has helped. I’d like to think that 5% more confidence in myself will help me be a better/happier/more comfortable person, and my approach to gaining that confidence will be to see it as something I do for others as well as for me.

This is a deep dive for our quarantine days, I admit. But what else am I going to do with all this housebound time? (I suppose ‘laundry’ is the obvious answer...) Thanks for reading this post with me; I hope it was at least a little bit interesting and thought-provoking. I’m already  looking forward to next time—there will be more writing, more discussion and discovery, and more distraction from household chores. Until then, I’m wishing you health, peace and happiness from our home to yours!